Keep This Fire Burning
by Ensign A. Icestorm
Summary: Janeway isn't feeling well, so Chakotay relieves her off duty. But that's something he shouldn't have done!


Disclaimer: Guess Paramount still owns them, even though it has ended. But hey, maybe they don't need them anymore? Do you think I can have them?  
Summary: : Janeway isn't feeling well, so Chakotay relieves her off duty. But that's something he shouldn't have done!  
Author's note: A friend of mine once wrote, during a msn- conversation, "If you don't give me that coffee, Chakotay, you'll be VERY sorry soon!" I started thinking about a fanfic based upon this line. First I thought it was going to be a funny, fluffy fic but when I listened to Robyn's song "Keep this Fire Burning" I changed my mind. These two things mixed in my brain became… this fic. The line isn't there anymore, but the fic is. This once' s for you, Beccy! (I even finished writing it at her birthday).  
It's beta-read by Sussie, my Enlightening Star and Keeper of the Path ;) She makes sure I don't do any fatal mistakes, showing me what the characters should or should not do and telling me when my English just isn't good. She also tells me when something is working, and the parts she loves. Thanks sweetie!  
Rating: G- PG-13  
Spoilers: None... I hope?  
  


Keep This Fire Burning  
  


  
Chakotay walked through the corridors leading to sickbay, thinking back over the latest week. He was really worried about Kathryn, and had finally, after hours of debating with himself, decided to go and see the Doctor about it. Chakotay had been aware of that Kathryn had begun to screen herself away from the crew the latest month, not eating in the Mess Hall or taking the unprovoked strolls to check upon her ship as she used to. He missed these strolls, since they often ended in his quarters where they used to take a glass of wine or maybe something to eat. He'd got more and more worried the latest weeks, but nothing like at the briefing, when Kathryn had had a hard time keeping her eyes focused and her body upright. As Chakotay entered Sickbay the Doctor stepped out from his office where he'd been working.  
"Ah! Commander!", he said, sounding cheerful as ever. When Chakotay didn't respond, he continued, "What can I do for you?" Chakotay sighed, feeling relieved that someone finally seemed to take interest. Even though this someone was a photonic construction called 'the Doctor'.   
"It's Ka- the Captain."   
"Ah, I see…" Chakotay wondered if he did, or if he was just repeating the practised doctor- phrases. The Doctor invited him to his office and after making sure no one could hear them, the EMH discretely asked "So…?", waking Chakotay from his daydreaming. .   
"Ah yes. Sorry."   
"It's all right." The Doctor smiled and Chakotay, not wanting upset the man, smiled vaguely back.   
"I'm worried for her," he started. Trying to gather his thoughts, Chakotay looked down at his hands, "She's been hiding from the crew the latest weeks, she seems to be very tired," he looked at the Doctor, "Well, you saw her during the briefing…" The Doctor nodded. "I wonder if she sleeps properly, if she eats as she should and…" his voice trailed off. He was unsure about how much he should tell the Doctor, when did it began to get too personal? The Doctor nodded thoughtfully, then he seemed to make decision.   
"You _do_ consider yourself as a friend of the Captain, right?"   
"Y- yes. Why?"   
"Well… I wonder… Have you talked to her about this?" For seconds Chakotay just looked at the EMH.   
"Yes…", his voice was barely a whisper, and the Doctor suddenly felt puzzled. How far should he push this? He and the Commander had never been really close and he was very surprised that he'd gone to him to talk about this problem. "I tried to talk to her… once", the Doctor was pulled back to reality as Chakotay spoke. He decided he could do nothing but listen and the Commander continued, "It was two weeks ago, we were supposed to have dinner together," he looked at the Doctor, like if he wanted to prevent him from making a comment, "and she didn't show up," he shrugged. "I thought that maybe we were supposed to eat at her place, but that I'd forgot it. But when I got there, she was still working." Chakotay sighed. "I told her it was dinner- time and she just said 'oh I'm sorry Chakotay, but I can't. Not tonight'. When I asked her why she hadn't told me, she said she thought she had, and that she was sorry if she'd forgot it. I tried to tell her that she shouldn't be working as much as she did and that she needed this break, but she just ignored me." He leaned against the wall. "I admit I became upset, but for Heaven's sake I was only worried!" He looked at the Doctor looking for support, or was it forgiveness? "I yelled at her, I admit that," he took a breath, "and she just looked at me with those blue eyes and said; 'That's enough, _Commander_", his shoulder fell down; he looked like a beaten man. "And she hasn't spoken to me since." The Doctor stepped closer to Chakotay. Now that his story was finished, the EMH realized that the next move was his. When it had been silent for half a minute, he spoke.   
"Commander," Chakotay looked at him, "I'm glad that you came to me and told me about those things that concerns you. But you're not the kind of man who just tells me things without a second thought. What is it that you want me to do?" Chakotay stepped away from the wall, regained his Commander-look and said:   
"I want you to put her on the sick-list." Understanding that the Doctor would object, he hastily continued, "Just for a week, maybe ten days. She needs to rest." The Commander looked at him and the Doctor nodded.   
"I'll page her right away…" The Commander left the office, and seeing Tom Paris at one of the computers, went to talk to him. Two minutes later Kathryn entered. In the corner of his eye he could see her walk into the Doctors office. He couldn't hear what any of them said, but he could guess. First an examination was done. The Doctor, fearing his own deletion seemed to take it very easy, trying to make the Captain accept that she was not feeling well, and she on the other hand was trying to make him understand that she was "fine, just fine". Yes, Chakotay could even see the hand coming up, warning the Doctor not to push this any further. He could see her trying to restrain herself from slapping him as she understood that, weather she wanted to or not, she would have to spend the next days off- duty. Tom Paris said something to the Commander and, since he didn't wanted to be too obvious, he had to turn and face him. So, he only saw Kathryn as she stormed out of sickbay. He excused himself and went after her.   
She entered the turbo lift right in front of him and he had to wait, impatiently, for the next one. Normally a turbo lift went really fast. Chakotay was sure this one was malfunctioning. He nearly jumped out as the lift stopped and he saw her in the end of the corridor, entering her quarters.   
  
She'd locked the door and refused to open it. What to do? Chakotay tried to yell her out.  
"Kathryn… Kathryn… _Kathryn_!" His voice echoed through her quarters, reaching her as she walked back and forth at the upper section of her living room. She didn't respond. She only mumbled to herself:  
"I hate you, I hate this ship, I hate the Doctor, I hate you, I hate not being left alone, I hate…" On and on and on it went, like some sort of mantra. Chakotay was standing outside her door, calling at her, but she just continued mumbling.   
"I hate this ship, I hate you, I hate…"   
"KATHRYN!"   
"Oh shut up!" She was angry, not only with him but also with herself for responding to his calls. She went to the door. Her hair was a mess after her fingers combing through it too many times and her facial expression the sourest ever. The door opened.   
"Yes?" Chakotay found himself looking down at the most untidy mass of hair he'd ever seen and into the sourest blue eyes he knew existed.   
"How are you?" She just looked at him. After a few seconds she sighted and said:   
"How do you think I'm doing after being yelled at for, what? Ten minutes?"   
"I'm sorry, but you just refused to answer so…"   
"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I just didn't felt like talking to you?" That efficiently silenced him.   
"Maybe I should leave then."   
"Yeah, maybe." He walked away, and she went back to her bed. She knew she'd hurt him, but for once she just couldn't care less. Heck, he'd hurt her too, running off to the Doctor without talking to her first.   
***   
Kathryn had fallen asleep on top of her bed, fully dressed and all. The next morning she felt warm and sweaty and decided to take shower and change. She thought about what to do during the following the days. Now, with so much time to do what ever she felt for, Kathryn suddenly felt… a little bit lost. Maybe she could go to the holodeck? Well, that was a rather good idea, but not today… no. Then what did she felt like doing? As she stepped out of the bathroom, she suddenly knew. Even though she was supposed to be resting, she might just as well do some good in the meantime. Kathryn replicated a new and fresh uniform and after a hot cup of coffee and a sandwich, she stepped out of her quarters.   
  
She entered her Ready Room from the door in the corridor. She had asked the computer if someone was in there, even though she had told herself she wasn't doing anything she wasn't supposed to. Even though Chakotay might be the highest ranked officer on duty on this ship, he couldn't keep Janeway away from her Ready Room. And she was just going there to get some PADDs. Since the computer had given her a negative respond, she entered. Kathryn sat down behind her desk. She found a few reports and started reading. She knew she should be leaving but she was only going to read this one… and then this one… and that one. Before she knew it Kathryn was sitting with a cup of coffee reading her fourth report. She snapped back to reality as the doors opened.   
  
He stared at her. The sight of her behind that desk with a report in her hand made him furious. Not only had she been rude to him when he'd come to try and make peace with her, now she was deliberately trying to provoke him. And she was successful. Big time. As he'd entered she'd leapt to her feet and was now standing behind her desk. Chin out, ready for a fight.   
"What the hell, Kathryn. I thought I'd made it perfectly clear to you that you were _off duty_!" he shouted at her. Kathryn glared at him. She had thought about explaining it all to him, but he hadn't even given her a chance. If he was so sure she was the bad guy, then why shouldn't she be?   
"And what if I refuse?"   
"Then I guess I have to send you to the brig." He was standing at the other side of the desk now, only half a meter away from her. She was fixing him with her blue eyes, trying to make him back down with that Death Glare of hers. "It isn't working on me, Kathryn," he hissed.   
"What isn't working?" she said, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about, even though she perfectly did, "My utterly incredible charm?"   
"Not that one either."   
"No?"   
"No. And now I want you to leave this room, and go back to your quarters to get some rest."   
"I don't need to rest!" She yelled at him, she actually did. This overprotecting-thing had got to her nerves. She hated it! "You always tell me to do this and that. 'Don't forget to eat, Kathryn', 'You need more sleep, Kathryn'. I can take care of myself! I'm Captain of this starship, you know!" She was now standing in front of him, yelling from the top off her lungs, "And now, you won't even let me be that!"   
He was just about to yell back at her when she raised her hand, turned to walk away from her desk and said:   
"I don't have to listen to this."   
"Oh yes you do! You say you can take care of yourself. You can't. Ok, maybe you can, but you just never _do it_! I always have to tell you to 'do this and that', to eat, to sleep, to rest. It's not because I love doing it, it's because someone has to! I'm sorry if it makes you feel bad, but I just can't stop myself. I once told you that your needs would come first, well, they still do. And this me not letting you be the oh-so-strong Captain Janeway, that's not true. I let you be whom the heck you want to. But just not right now! Sometimes, the Captain simply just has to step back and let Kathryn show."   
"There is no Kathryn!" Why had she yelled that? She had no reason to, he had been trying to calm them both down. But, it was that last part that made her angry and hurt once more… yes he had no right to tell her who she should be! Kathryn saw the look he gave her, shocked yet… sad? "She doesn't…" she felt tears in her eyes. No, she was not going to cry in front of him.   
"I'm leaving now." It was barely a whisper.   
"Good!" He heard how harsh he sounded. She walked away from him. When it was too late he realized to where. He turned around and yelled:   
"NOT THAT WAY!" which was what the entire bridge therefore heard. But Chakotay didn't care. He was provoked and angry, and set off after her. He grabbed her arm just as she walked past Tuvok's station. She turned around and looked at him. His grip hurt her, but she didn't make a sound. He held her close to him, but didn't stop yelling. "When on Earth are you going to stop provoke me!?" He was close enough for her to feel his warm breath. For a second she'd been caught off guard, but that didn't last long. She stared at him, and with a coldness she didn't know she had she responded:   
"When you let go off me and start leaving me alone, Commander!"   
"Stop calling me by rank, Kathryn! What if I always called you Captain!?"   
"Isn't that what I am then? I'm always the Captain. Always! Weather we like it or not!" She made herself free, but stood not far away from him. "I always have to care for everyone. You say that sometimes I have to let Kathryn show. Well, know what? In this quadrant there _is_ no Kathryn! Only the, what did you call her?, the 'oh-so-strong Captain Janeway.' Kathryn will have to wait."   
"'Till when? 'Till we're back home? That can take decades! Look at your crew, they don't push away who they are, just to get us home, they both work _and_ live here!"   
"But I can't do that!"   
"Because you're the Captain?"   
"Yes!"   
"So because you're the Captain you can't do thinks you enjoy, have friends… love someone?" The people on the bridge didn't know where to look. OK, they hadn't known where to look for the latest five minutes, but things had got just a little too personal by now.   
"Correct." She looked at him.   
"You don't even allow yourself to _love_ someone!?" He looked at her, furious again.   
"No!"   
"Then what if someone loves you?"   
"Who? Who would love me!?" She was halfway through tears and laughter. His hands grabbed her upper arms held her close to him. He looked into her eyes.   
"I. I love you."   
"You do?" She said through clenched teeth. "Then show it!"   
"What?"   
"You say you love me. I say: show it!" Deep inside Kathryn was wondering why she was doing this, pushing the line so far.   
"Here?" She slowly nodded.   
"Here," she ordered, chin out once more. First, Chakotay thought about letting her go, to end this someplace else. And yet… He felt an impulse to efficiently silence her for once; to see what those blue eyes would show if he actually did it. And she had challenged him after all.   
"All right." Pulling her even closer to him, her chest against his, Chakotay slowly moved his face closer to hers. They were still looking at each other and just before his lips met hers, he grinned at her. They were still staring at each other as her lips parted and let his tongue in. Kathryn could never have dreamed of such a kiss. Her blood still rushing from their argumentation, her heart beating as fast as ever and his firm grip on her upper-arms, they all made it even more heavenly. She responded to his kiss by pressing herself closer to him, tasting him with her mouth. Her eyes showed nothing but pleasure, a little bit of surprise yes, but mostly pleasure. Then, slowly, they parted. Chakotay smiled at her and she smiled back. In the corner of her eye, Kathryn could see the smiles and grins of the bridge crew. There was Tuvok, Torres, Kim and, of course, Tom Paris. She guessed that tonight he would be telling the entire crew about what he'd witnessed. Probably at Sandrine's. Well, she couldn't care less. She had other plans for this evening.   
  
THE END.   
  
  
  


**Keep This Fire Burning**  
Sung by: Robyn  
  
Alright  
  
Even when you don't know, I'll be by your side  
Even when you think you're all alone, I'll be by your side  
  
_Hey you_  
I'll be right behind you keep on going   
In whichever way the wind is blowing  
I will be there 'till the world stops turning  
Baby, I will keep this fire burning  
  
When nobody else is, I am on your side  
Baby, when you're not even yourself, I am on your side  
_Baby I'll be on your side_  
I'll be right behind you keep on going   
In whichever way the wind is blowing  
I will be there 'till the world stops turning  
Baby, I will keep this fire burning  
  
Yeah  
Alright  
Even when you've lost your faith in love   
Even when there is no light above   
Even when you want go run and hide   
I'll be on your side   
I'll be on your side  
_I'll be on your side_  
  
_come on_  
I don't even think you know how far I'm about to go  
If you put your trust in me I'll keep it coming  
Aint nobody stopping me when it comes to you and me   
When nothing's like it use to be I'll keep it coming  
  
I'll be right behind you keep on going   
In whichever way the wind is blowing  
I will be there 'till the world stops turning  
Baby, I will keep this fire burning  
_For you_  
I don't even think you know how far I'm about to go  
If you put your trust in me I'll keep it coming  
Ain't nobody stopping me when it comes to you and me   
When nothing's like it use to be I'll keep it coming  
_I believe in you _  
  
I'll be right behind you keep on going   
In whichever way the wind is blowing  
I will be there 'till the world stops turning  
Baby, I will keep this fire burning  
  
_I'll be tour sister_  
Alright  
_I'll be your brother_  
_I'll be your friend_  
I'll be your friend   
I'll be your everything  
_I'll be your lover_  
Since you and me  
Keep it coming  
  
Baby I will keep this fire burning  


  



End file.
